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Above quotation reminds me how much I loved by my father which made my siblings jealous. I have lived in many small town and cities in Uttar Pradesh. My father was in Punjab National Bank, working as a manager. There was a time when he had postings only in rural areas where schooling and tuition were not proper. To have the solution few times he rented a house for us in different cities and opted to travel to n fro every day. He always made sure that we study every day with the timetable he created for us. In spite of so many efforts, one point where we always lacked was our english, be it in writing or speaking. He taught us after coming back from office, found a home tutor as per the area to teach us english, reading a newspaper every day and remembering 10 words every day. Believe me, that time it looked huge and we always end up getting scolded and beaten up :).
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A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life - Dr James Dobson |
After marriage in everyday living, I always felt his presence. His habits, living style, and teaching make me stronger day by day. Really got strengths from him whenever I needed most in adjusting to my new life. He was the one who never said any negative word while I vent out my anger in some situations. Now I feel how strong he was, who loved me unconditionally, no matter what. My father had a poor background, without his own father earning in a small age made him strong but very tough-minded. He was stubborn in some cases and it was very difficult to make him convinced. He had a vision for everything. What career we should choose, what we should study, how to study, what to wear, what to cook, how to cook, in everything he had opinions and I bet no one was able to beat his logic. So he always won in every argument if we dared to try. I still say My father was the best father in this world and whatever I am today is because of him. I loved him too much and tagged as his best daughter. People around us really proud of us and we were examples for the rest of the world. He was my pillar and I never imagined my life without him.
It is been around 6 years I have not spoken to him. If they call and I pick they disconnect. If I call them they don't pick. Can not reveal the reasons but it took me four years to overcome from this fact that he is no more with me even if he is alive. I felt a cactus tree standing tall but with lots of thorns around it. Though I have accepted this still I crave for being with them. They have not seen my daughter who is two years old. Today is my birthday and I wish to meet them before I die.
Even though I was not at fault I tried every bit of bridging the gap. But no use, finally I gave up and learned to live without them. It has created a void inside me. Now I want to become the grand parent soon to my grandchildren so that I can love them unconditionally. Want to understand how come parents can not talk to their kids, don't want to meet their grandchildren. What kind of ego or stubborn behavior it is.
As Ram Das quote say We’re all just walking each other home, exactly what is the learning here, still not understood. What we are trying to teach or learn from each other is not understood.
Contributing this post to Corinne's #MondayMusing. I am loving this as I take out my anger, love, frustration whatever it is and feel free. As Louice hay say "I set you free and I set myself free".